Lookout- this is gonna be a pretty poorly put together journal while I'm in this heightened state.

But one of the worst emotional feelings I've experienced so far probably has to be...
The feeling you get... when you realize that what you're doing probably has no point.
That everything you work for- everything that's been so important to you- is usless to be working toward.

I'm wondering the point of even... thinking. Of coming up with ideas. What's the use of it? Every idea I've had- everything that's meant a lot to me.... either flops, gets copied or stolen, or just gets totally shit on.
Usually it doesn't bother me. Usually I say "Ahh, it's no big deal. It's probably just coincidence, anyway!" Because a lot of the time it's just minor things. Minor similarities I see from people who I know really liked an idea of mine- such as, with one of my more minor characters. Over the years, I've come to not really let this bother me. If they want to copy then that'll just be their own loss. A character copied is never as likable as a character solely from the creator's heart and mind.

Back in the day, yeah, I was totally protective of any and every little idea. Back when my reason for imagining things, for drawing and creating things, was to gain popularity or whatever... And at the same time, back then a lot of my ideas weren't even totally original. I was really influenced by my favorite artists at the time and I'm sure I copied a lot of ideas. A lot of them may have been subconscious! But I know it happened...
That seems to be the trend, though- idea thieves are often those who can't create or think for themselves. They also tend to be those that have some sort of selfish purpose. A desire for fame, fortune, or even just... attention.


Nowadays, minor copying and such doesn't get to me. I may point it out if I see it, and if it's actual art theft then I'll kindly request it removed, but it hardly ever upsets me at all.
Things DO get upsetting when... there's something that means a lot to someone. There are only a handful of ideas I've had that I'm really passionate about doing, and so far I've had every one of these ideas either stolen, copied, or crushed.
From things like my own TV series ideas, to community projects I wanted to do to help people come together and have fun.... To my LIFE'S DREAM. What kind of person steals someone's life's dream and then tries their damndest to ruin the original person's chances of seeing said dream accomplished? Is it even possible to be less of a human being than someone who does that? Possible to be more wretched and pathetic?
.... Digressing.

It's just sick to know that I can't even share ideas with people I think are my friends because this is consistently happening.
I hate being too afraid to show people any characters I have that I really like, that are really important to me and mean a lot to me, because I know it'd hurt too much if this stuff happened again?

It just... is unfathomable to me anymore. Ideas are such sacred things... Everything I make and think of is a part of me, you know? Why would you take that from anyone?


At this point, I'm about to just stop trying. Lock my ideas away to everyone but myself. At least that way I don't have to worry about anything happening to the only things I really have to hold to.
It's a sad thing, since a lot of my ideas are things I want to do to... FOR people. To educate people, to enlighten, to teach and inspire, or just to help them have make friends and enhance their lives in whatever way. I don't want fame- and any desire for recognition would solely be for the purpose of spreading these things to more people. I'm mostly talking about the lemur topic with that particular statement- in the other situations I would prefer NOT to be recognized at all.

Hmmmh...

Alright, I suppose I'm done. Just... needed to vent while I was so deeply upset. x)



In other news... I got Ice Age 3 today..! The excitement of it was dampened entirely by my parent's insulting as soon as mom brought it home, though. Our van is having some potentially serious troubles so it has them stressed out and... prone to hurtful outburts like that.
It was also made less joyous because mom got home too late for all the family to sit down and watch it together, which I had really been looking forward to. Eh.... Ah well, at least I still bought it the first day. (: It just would've been nice to watch it today and distract me from the sadness, haha. Ohyeah, and my subby expired again! Haha, oh well. xP Thanks a bunch for the sub while it lasted, Jengery! <33333333


Alrighty, enough rambling. <3 Hope you guys are all doing well, and sorry for the rather useless journal entry. xP